After Page 81
An After-story for Sarah Mulgate from Find Me Book One
Sarah sat in her overheated car in the parking lot of Red Rock State park in Gallup, New Mexico. She was about to tuck into one of the handmade tamales she’d bought from an old woman out of the trunk of her old tan Oldsmobile. She unwrapped the husk on the first tamale and bit into the corn sweetness. Juicy, marinated shreds of chicken with just the right spice was her divine reward for taking a chance.
Sarah closed her eyes and put her good foot up on the dash to stretch out a bit. In between bites she fanned herself with her nearby map, begging for a breeze to roll through her open windows. Licking her fingers after the last bite she unfurled the second one from its tenderly wrapped bundle. This one was macerated pinto beans with onions, cilantro and ancho chiles.
She was about halfway to her destination. After noticing the temperature gauge in her car moving in the wrong direction, she’d pulled off the I-40 to cool her car down from the long, hot desert miles she’d already traveled. She was used to this routine with this old car of hers.
Comfortably parked under a tree, Sarah hoped to be able to pour some water into the radiator and get back on the road again. She’d luckily filled her water jug at the last gas station for that purpose. The fix had helped her avoid buying a new car for years.
‘Where would she be if that book hadn’t come her way?’ she wondered as the last drips from the tamale warmed her lips. She’d probably be at home hunched over her worktable, grinding away on a new jewelry piece to put up for sale in her ebay store. Another long day of cowering alone in that back room willing for anything to happen that was different in any way from the day before.
She opened her eyes and looked out at the landscape in front of her. This place. It was new to her. There was a spiritual feel about it. Already her plan had her driving on the old Route 66, made famous by the Americana narrative. But this stretch of road had other draws that pulled at her. It was chock full of all of the things she loved about being in the desert. There was good and bad about her time in the Southwest.
As an artist living in Taos, the community was wonderful if one stayed in tune with the beat of others, but it had kept her from a lot of things too. Real love being one of them. Always the ridiculous romantic, Sarah had written poetry about romantic interludes, especially while drunk. In her twenties, Sarah thought her life would be nothing but pastel colored heart candies and rainbows wherever she went.
Waiting. She became a professional waiter. And not in the way that you’d think. Serving up dishes while meeting all kinds of people just waiting to tip her for her deeds.
All through high school she waited to be noticed. As the permanent little quiet girl in the corner, she watched as romances bloomed around her. She’d documented many of her crushes in her collection of diaries. Every year, a new boy took center stage on the pages, unless a new boy moved into town, then she’d add them in too. In all of her years of unrequited love, she never braved to tell anyone that she liked them. She sat back, waiting and willing them to like her first.
She was a professional waiter when it came to her husband Tobias. Waiting for him to love her like crazy and shower her with affection. Waiting for him to decide to stay home once in a while to better their marriage.
Over the years she began to feel just as responsible for their empty love life as he was because she hadn’t said anything to the contrary or confronted him about it. She never came right out and told him she was unhappy and that she longed for connection. For all those twenty years, she had sustained herself with her art and her belief that someday things would magically get better.
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” Sarah couldn’t remember where she’d heard it, but it surely was true.
Enough was enough. No more waiting for life to happen to her. The little blue book had brought her to that conclusion.
If she had listened to her gut about Tobias long ago, she wouldn’t have stayed where she ended up for as long as she had. Alone, sitting in that desert cabin, waiting.
That darling house could have held a loving companionship forever with the right people but for her it contained the lonely blackness of years gone by.
Sarah was done feeling sorry for herself and waiting around for her husband to pay attention to her. Longing for him to prioritize her in their lives and reward her for being there, keeping the home fires burning like she did.
She’d given him plenty of time, and gobs of her life to figure that out, if he ever could. She was on her way. She’d finally pulled the plug on their downer of a marriage and had a new life to start. A new version of herself to explore.
She smiled, pulling the jug of water out of the back of her car and engaging the hood release to expose the radiator. Glug, glug, glug. Her twist removal at the end kept the mess down to a minimum and with the cap tightened, her car was as cool as she was. Not cool in temperature, per se, but cool in her calmness about whatever was coming next for her. She was out of that house for good.
Looking into the distance, three rock spires sprung from a scape of red rock, each striated with the settling of many of a millenia. The Church Rock trail wasn’t a long hike and the natural monument was breathtaking. The church like spires called to her. She might be able to swing the distance if she took it slow. Taking breaks would be necessary since she hadn’t been really active in years. Tethered to her house and rarely getting physical activity since the accident, Sarah would have to build up her stamina.
God, what if Simon would want her to trek with him all over the world. Would she be able to keep up with him, or would he leave her behind again, like he had in college?
Tears streaked down her face and she wiped them away with the napkin from the tamale woman. ‘No, I can’t think like that.’
Thinking that way would put her right back into the fugue she had just jerked herself out of. She wanted to stay here in this place. Walk around a little. Maybe take it all in a bit more of the area. For her art, for her spirit, to do something different for a change.
She dug through her boxes and found her hardly worn tennies. Making sure to tie the laces into double knots, she pulled a bottle of water out from under her front seat and tucked it into her satchel.
It was warm outside, but not as hot as it could get in this part of the country. June was late enough that the flowers were in bloom before crisping up and succumbing to the heat but early enough to be comfortable outside.
She walked through a field of dust to start the hike. If only the entire trail was like this, she’d have no trouble. Soon the path narrowed and the sides were lined with sagebrush and rocks of differing sizes and shapes. She felt the incline as her lungs tightened and her breath quickened. With her limited mobility, she slowed and calculated each step. She didn’t want to fall out here, especially being alone like she was.
As the footpath became just a general direction highlighted with rock cairns, Sarah became more nervous about the feat she was attempting. Undulating rocks became the trail and more than once she started to lose her footing. When she came upon some artfully carved out; half moon foot holds, she sat down on the nearest rock and called it good-enough.
Another couple, obviously more active than Sarah, stopped at the same spot for a rest. The woman commented on Sarah’s hand embellished walking stick and she pulled one of her business cards out of her satchel and gave it to her in response.
“Check out my ebay listings. I have them on there from time to time. Thanks for noticing.”
“I definitely will,” the woman said before putting the cap back on her water bottle and starting off with her beau.
Sarah looked longingly at Church Rock and wondered what it looked like a bit closer. Who the people were who visited the place during ancient times. What it looked like with the stars surrounding it lit only with the moon. She snapped a picture in her mind and promised herself to add that vision to one of her jewelry pieces once she had everything all set up again.
Walking as carefully down as she had up, Sarah took her time and enjoyed the colors and visual movement of the rocks around her.
If her car hadn’t overheated, she might not have stopped here. She might have missed having this experience and trying something out of her comfort zone. She would have missed the woman who appreciated her art. She would have missed seeing the little lizards that came to say hello to her on the hike. She felt accomplished and excited for all the new experiences that had come to her.
As she crossed the dusty field again on her way back to the car, she turned and looked up at Church Rock. A great grin took over her face. This was only the beginning and maybe, just maybe, she would come back and try again. When she had built herself up, and gained more maneuverability. Maybe even a friend to make the journey with? She got back into her car and headed towards town.
It was late afternoon and she wanted to check out some of the trading posts in town that specialized in Native American jewelry, rugs and pottery.
A large Kachina statue welcomed Sarah to the town of Gallup, proper. She needed to get to Mesa by three in the afternoon tomorrow to have any real chance of seeing Simon. She’d purchased a ticket for the event and even if she didn’t get a chance to talk to him or connect, it would be wonderful to see him sharing what he loved.
She turned on Ford Avenue and passed the Hotel El Rancho, the famous hot spot for movie stars in the 1930’s through the 1960’s. She had recognized the building from tourism magazines splattered all over New Mexico. She decided to stay there for the night; after poking around some in town, if they had a vacancy.
Murals signifying historical relevance dotted the urban landscape. Old fashioned looking Trading Posts lined the streets, begging to be explored, each tinged with age and nostalgia. Neon, flashy lights urged shoppers into one vendor rather than another. She could spend an entire week here just to see half of it.
Sarah was getting tired. Time to settle in for the night and get something good to eat before tackling the rest of her drive. She made her way back to Hotel El Rancho and walked in through the arched doors into the most beautiful hotel lobby she had ever seen.
Rustic chunky beams held up the space and a stone fireplace in the center was flanked by two staircases which curved around her like a hug. Organically arranged handrails made from branches of trees cut long ago, followed each stairway up to the second floor where she could see countless old Hollywood photographs of actors and actresses from the bygone era.
A shoe shine station and old cigarette dispensing machine teased of the luxuries once enjoyed by the stars and staff of some of old Western motion pictures. John Wayne’s image was prominent. He had been here, it was obvious.
Sarah crossed her fingers as she walked to the reception counter to ask about a room. She was thrilled to get the last room of the night. The Jane Fonda room on the second floor. Not wanting to tackle the stairs with her suitcase, she sought out the elevator.
Sarah pulled her suitcase over to it and pressed the button. A man joined her and pushed the button again impatiently. Each stood waiting for the door to open. Perplexed after three minutes, they looked at each other before a staff member walked over and opened the door for them, exposing a gold accordion cage to slide away before boarding.
“Of course,” Sarah laughed and the man chuckled too. “I bet they do that all day long.”
“We are so used to these things doing it all for us,” the man said.
The man held a bag of food that smelled divine and Sarah was tempted to ask him what he had chosen, but didn’t want to prolong their interaction any longer than it already had. She’d freshen up before going down to the restaurant. The elevator stopped and they both paused, waiting for the door to open, then shared another bout of awkward laughter before he stepped forward to pull the accordion protective gate away.
“After you.” he said politely, and Sarah stepped out into the hall. As she walked, looking for her room, each of the doorways was adorned with a name plate of someone famous. She took in the whole space, imagining movie stars crowding the halls looking for their room numbers. The hallways were old and brick but had been painted recently and she could tell that the place was kept up.
At last, the Jane Fonda room, number 214. What fun.
Sarah was happy that she knew the actress well enough to recognize her name, as others along the corridor were a mystery to her. Suddenly remembering Jane in her role of Judy Bernly, recently divorced housewife who had to get a job in the movie Nine to Five. Her shenanigans with Dolly Parton and Lily Tomlin in that movie were epic.
How relatable that she was suddenly getting a divorce too, and so many variables had lined up for her to get that room. Sarah relieved herself in the small bathroom then threw herself on the bed. She was soon adrift in a lucid dream.
She was nimble, joyful and deeply in love. A man with no face reached for her as they stood on a high bluff overlooking the ocean. There was a house behind them, tucked away from the view and a dog jumping and barking in play.
She awoke to the grumble of her stomach. She’d only had the oatmeal really early at home that day and then the two tamales. Then she’d hiked at least a mile on the Church Rock trail which was very much out of the ordinary for her, so she was famished.
Grabbing a washcloth from the pile of stark white towels, she ran it under warm water and pressed it to her face before pulling open her shirt and applying it to her armpits. She’d shower later.
Another trip down the manual elevator, she was still feeling uncertain about the stairs. She didn’t want to make a complete and total spectacle of herself tumbling down in full view of everyone in the lobby.
She pulled the gold gate back and slid herself effortlessly down the hallway to the Andalusian restaurant where scrumptious smells wafted from. She was seated in a booth with the full view over the place. It was a great spot for her to people-watch as she ate.
Perusing the menu she knew immediately that the “Here’s Looking At You Burger”, the favorite of icon Humphrey Bogart, would be her favorite as well. A burger with grilled mushrooms and swiss cheese. She ordered it with a salad so she could splurge on dessert. The Route 66 Sundae would be out of this world, only she’d skip the jelly beans.
As she waited for her food to come, Sarah took in the people closest to her. There was a young couple who looked a bit out of their element. Maybe this was their first vacation together or maybe they were locals and it was their first date? Sarah was happy to see the young woman slide closer to her young man and smile at him, maybe the ice was broken?
An older couple, the husband looked madly around the restaurant taking it all in. This place must have been on his bucket list for a while. The wife applied lipstick and blotted it on the white cloth napkin, not aware that most likely it would be stained forever. Maybe they were rich and had just retired to the desert? Maybe he liked it here but she didn’t? Sarah was inspired with made up stories about all of the people around her. Maybe they were doing the same with her?
What was her story, anyway? Would she actually be able to catch Simon at the convention? If he did recognize her, would he be as happy to see her as she would be to see him? If not, she wouldn’t allow it to keep her down. Now that she decided she wanted more out of life. Her trip was all a great big gamble, but isn’t that what life should be?
Would he remember how they felt about each other? Maybe he was attached and his wife would be alongside him, he just hadn’t worn a ring in the alumni article she saw.
All the questions swirled around her until the burger came steaming and juicy in front of her. She salivated in readiness. She cut it in half thinking maybe she would keep the leftovers for breakfast, she really did want to get in better shape. After devouring the first half and the salad, she took a few bites of the teaser remainder and let the waitress tuck it away in a box before ordering dessert.
“I’ll have a Route 66 Sundae with chocolate ice cream and both chocolate and caramel sauce with chopped nuts, whipped cream and a cherry. Hell, two cherries, but no jelly beans please.” Sarah couldn’t imagine getting a bite of nasty black licorice and ruining all the other compatible flavors.
“I’d like to eat it by the fire,” she said to the waitress who smiled and winked at her at the same time. She must have practiced a lot to do that. Claiming a seat in the fireplace alcove in the lobby, she felt the richness and adventure of her new life.
Sarah scooped up a bite of her sundae and turned the spoon over to see how thick and creamy the ice cream was before placing it into her mouth.
Sarah felt playful, fun and light for the first time in absolute years. No matter what, she would be doing more things like this. Maybe she could even live on the road, buy an RV with her part of the money from selling the house and just be gone forever. Stopping only if she felt like it and moving on when she wanted to.
Why hadn’t she left Tobias Mulgate years ago? Honestly, what had made her stay?
Who knew when Tobey would be home to find the note that she had left. It could be a week, it could be a month, maybe longer. She had enough money to goof off for a while before going to stay with her sister Donna in Las Vegas until the divorce papers were final.
She wondered what Tobey would think about the little traveling book she’d left. If he would feel something and be spurred to change things as she had, or if he was truly as cold and shallow as he had seemed in their life together. She decided she really didn’t care. She got what she needed to with the book’s presence and from here on out, she would be claiming her own extraordinary life, the same way the anonymous author had.
The bottom of the bowl came too quickly and she licked the spoon once more before walking the bowl back into the restaurant and placing it on the bar. Coming back out into the ravishing space, Sarah decided she wanted to ascend the same stairs as the many beautiful and famous actresses must have done in the life of this place.
Flicking her hair back off of her shoulder, she imagined herself surrounded by male suitors, while decked out in a beautiful gown and jewels. So many admirers, so little time. Sarah practically glided up the stairs and strolled lightly down the hall to her room. What a day.
~
Sarah pressed the elevator button at the Hotel El Rancho for the last time this trip. It chunked into place and she pulled her bag behind her. She’d slept great. The shower was phenomenal and she was ready to go see Simon. See him in his element.
She got into her car after a good stretch and pointed west. She filled up her car with gas near Holbrook, Arizona and topped off the radiator while snacking on an apple and a hot dog from the gas station before turning south.
The landscape was changing. Skirting the Sitgreave National Forest, she wondered what there was to see in this area, but not this time, she had miles to burn through.
If she kept on pace she’d arrive at the convention center half past two. That would give her plenty of time to refresh her makeup and get her bearings. She’d sit in the back of the room and just be a spectator, not asking any questions or bringing any attention to herself.
That is, until later, if she hadn’t spied a wife in his vicinity, she would approach him then. She wouldn’t break up anyone else’s house on her way to finding love, that she knew for certain.
Pulling into a spot at the convention center parking lot, Sarah froze in place thinking about what the next few hours of her life could be like. All of the buildup of the trip, seeking Simon, her long lost love after all these years. The serendipity of seeing him in the alumni paper when she hardly even scanned them usually. The book that brought her over the precipice of changing everything. That dream…
She took in a big breath, and lowered the mirror to fluff her hair and apply a little lipstick to her lips and a couple of dabs to her cheeks as well. She was as ready as she’d ever be.
Pulling her walking stick from the passenger side she disembarked for the walk across the parking lot to her possible future. She was surrounded by people of different ages and ethnicities. Most people wore badges.
“Should be an interesting talk today,” she heard one say in her direction.
“Indeed,” Sarah answered, believing it so.
Sitting in the back, her stomach twirled with the announcement of his name.
“We are honored and proud to have Simon Campbell, archeologist and paleontologist out of Brown University. Let’s give him a warm welcome.”
Applause filled the room.
Sarah closed her eyes, not able to handle this moment. He’s here, he’s really here.
“Thank you, I am so happy to be here.”
She opened her eyes at the sound of his voice. Just as she remembered. She couldn’t blink to let him out of her sight again.
Simon waited for the applause to soften.
“I am happy to announce our most recent discovery, a marine animal artifact we are calling Zelda from the Pliocene age found in the Guadalupe Mountains in west Texas. We believe this discovery will solidify our theory that seawater indeed… uh,” Simon shot a look in Sarah’s direction.
Her eyes met his.
“Please excuse me for just one moment, I need to confer with someone before I go on.”
The audience started murmuring to each other as Simon walked down the stairs and down the aisle, making a beeline for Sarah.
‘What is happening right now,’ Sarah thought in her head as he approached. She stood to leave so as to avoid being seen as the source of the interruption.
His hand grabbed hers, “Please don’t go. I’ve waited years to see you again.” He looked deep into her eyes.
Tears welled in hers and she nodded slowly, feeling his urgency to tell her.
Finally she spoke, “I have nowhere else I’d rather be.”
He smiled and kissed her hand before helping her back into her chair.
“Promise?” he inquired as he started back to the stage.
Sarah crossed her heart with her finger and smiled back at him. People were staring but she didn’t care. Simon saw her from across a crowded room and wanted her to stay, he said he’d been waiting years to see her.
It all felt like a dream. One she hoped she would never wake up from.
As he continued to drone on about this and that geologic time period like he used to when they were in college, Sarah felt what it was like to be wanted for a change. Seen. Beyond the words she would look up and see him watching her, he was making sure she didn’t bolt.
After what felt like forever, the lights dimmed and some images of archeological sites were shown up on the screen. As he continued presenting, his eyes stayed on her. Confident, smart, and successful, he delivered the scientific developments and thanked his team for their hard work. There was applause again and suddenly the presentation was over.
He shook hands with the event coordinators and visiting professors before making his way back to Sarah.
“I cannot believe you are here,” he gaped as he picked her up and spun her around before setting her down gently. “Can I take you to dinner? What’s happening?”
“Dinner sounds great, I’d love to catch up,” she said giddy inside. Sarah grabbed her cane.
“I heard what happened, crazy accident, huh?”
“You knew about the accident? How?”
“Well, truth is, I’ve kind of kept track of you, not in a creepy way but more just checking up on a friend every year or so. After you married I knew I didn’t have the right to interrupt your life despite the fact that I still loved you. I knew I’d lost my chance with you.”
Sarah was dumb with shock.
“I still love you, I never stopped,” he went on.
“God.” was all she could say.
“Let’s go to the Landmark restaurant, I hear they have an unbelievable salad bar.”
Sarah nodded. ‘Was this for real? Was this really happening?’
She pulled her jacket out of the car and climbed into Simon’s rental. He put his hand on hers. “I’m so glad you are here. I just couldn’t believe it when I looked up and saw you, I almost passed out. My stomach flipped!”
At the restaurant, Simon pulled the chair out for Sarah and they ordered a bottle of Rose. Sarah ordered the halibut and Simon picked the prime rib, saying he liked a good hunk of meat like his Paleolithic cave men after a grueling day.
“So I see you aren’t wearing a wedding ring, can I ask what happened?”
“Well it’s a bit of a long story but let’s just say I will not be a married woman for much longer. My marriage was empty. I have spent the last fifteen plus years alone, wishing things were different.”
“I’m really sorry to hear that. I didn’t know you were unhappy,” he placed his hand on hers and she turned her palm up so that they could intertwine their fingers.
“In my loneliness I made my life’s work, my life. Staying busy so I wouldn’t have time to think of what I was missing. At least I thought I was succeeding at that. Until this crazy book came my way. Given to me by a friend. It was a traveling book written by an author who wanted to make her life bigger. She made up five books to send out into the world to find their way back to her. I wish to heaven her dream comes true. Maybe I should have kept it?”
“Sounds interesting. Maybe you got out of it exactly what you needed to, maybe your uh husband will feel similarly moved?”
“Who even knows. Let’s not talk about him. I’m having such an adventure. I packed up everything that meant something to me, crammed it in my car and last night I stayed at the Hotel El Rancho in Gallup, New Mexico where all the Hollywood stars used to stay when they were filming the old westerns. I stayed in the Jane Fonda room, can you believe it?”
“I can believe it, you always loved to have fun. Such a ball of creative energy you were, even when we were supposed to be studying.” he admonished her with a smirk.
“That was a long time ago.”
“Like in the Pliocene age?” he joked.
“Not quite.” she laughed.
*****
“Be with me,” he said as they sat in the car in the empty lot of the convention center.
She looked into his eyes in the dim lights of the overhead lights. “Yes.”
She followed him back to his hotel, wiggling in her seat but trying not to be obvious, if he looked back. Three days ago she was drinking away her sorrows and watching the New Mexican sunsets alone, like she had nearly every day for the last fifteen years.
Today she was following the love of her life to join him at his hotel. Sarah hoped she remembered what to do. It had been years since she’d been with Tobey, maybe thirteen or fourteen if she had to peg it down. It wasn’t a marriage, it was a joke. She was hopeful it was like riding a bike, not that she’d ridden any of those lately either.
Simon grabbed a trolley from the lobby and helped Sarah bring her items into his spacious room.
“I have the room for another two nights, let’s just stay in and order room service and just be together.”
“That sounds too good to be true,” she said as he pulled her in for a kiss.
Electricity. Hot, steamy lovemaking, just like in college. Everything fit as perfectly together as it had before. Waking up in his arms, her smiles never stopped.
Sarah called her sister Donna on the morning she had told her she’d arrive.
“Um, so I won’t be there today, I’m fine, but there have been some developments.”
“I’ll say, I got a message from Tobey, saying you wanted a divorce. Thank God woman, what the hell took you so long?!” Donna egged.
“I needed a push, I guess. I’ll tell you about it soon. I just wanted to let you know that I am safe, having fun and will be making ridiculous decisions for the next little bit, but I am happy. Love you.”
“Love you sis, have a damn good time. Let me know when you come up for air. You deserve this.”
Sarah sold her Ford Fiesta and signed on the dotted line for a 1998 Fleetwood Tioga motorhome. Simon took a leave of absence and they took their newly rekindled love on the road. Sarah made jewelry on the way, her subjects having morphed from the southwest to bones and then hearts.
She’s gooey for Simon and he is equally mushy for her. Sometimes love doesn’t have an expiration date.
~
So! Would you like to visit Hotel El Rancho and Church Rock? They are real places you can visit. Let me know- actually send me a post card if you go! <3